COSMETIC LAB EMPLOYEE ADMITS HE EJACULATED IN TANKS OF FACE CREAM

A former security guard in a Detroit laboratory has confessed to ejaculating in the sanitized tanks used to produce hydrating face cream on more than 500 occasions over the last three years.

59-year old Larry Gordon was arrested this morning by officers of Detroit Police Department after he was caught on tape and confessed his actions to his employer.

Mr. Gordon spent the last seven years working as a night watch at a lab owned by American Cosmetic Chemicals (ACC), a subcontractor for several companies including Cover Girl, Neutrogena, and Yves Rocher.

He was recently caught by a video camera while masturbating in the cream tanks and was confronted by his employer.

He admitted that he was depressed since he got divorced three years ago and that had ejaculated in the reservoirs at least 500 times since then to “avenge himself against women”.

Faced with the gravity of his confession, the board of directors of the ACC immediately decided to suspend Mr. Gordon from his job and contact the police.

The DPD led a rapid investigation and arrested Larry Gordon this morning under five charges of sexual assault, and some police sources say that many more charges could be filed over the next few days.

Detroit police chief James Craig says the investigators take this case very seriously and that Mr. Gordon’s victims could number in the millions.

It remains unclear at the moment which brands or products were contaminated by Mr. Gordon’s sperm, but an ACC spokesman tried to reassure the public by stating that the semen was only present in small quantities and represented no health hazard.

The company says an investigation is underway to determine exactly which products were affected, but it admitted that between 500,000 and 3,000,000 customers may have bought contaminated cosmetics.

Mr. Gordon’s lawyer, Ben Tillerman, says his client suffers from serious mental problems and has demanded a psychiatric evaluation to determine if he is fit to stand a trial.

The evaluation will take place as soon as the police investigation is completed and should take a few days, which means Mr. Gordon should make his first appearance in court next week.