MIAMI STRIPPER ARRESTED FOR SQUIRTING VAGINAL FLUIDS AT POLICE OFFICERS IN SELF-DEFENSE

A Florida lap dancer has been arrested in Miami after assaulting five police officers with her vagina and using it as a deadly weapon without the intent to kill.

Britney Simmons, 24, was performing at the Camel Toe strip club when an altercation began between Simmons and several clients at the club.

Miami police were called to intervene and attempted to apprehend Simmons who was highly intoxicated and acting erratically according to the official police report.

Five Miami Police Department officers attempted to place Simmons under arrest but were momentarily indisposed when the lap dancer ejected vaginal fluids towards the officers, temporarily blinding three and injuring two.

“She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.

Officer Miguel Aguera of the Miami Police Department told reporters that all five of the officers had since tested positive for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and herpes after being exposed to the vaginal fluids.

“Knowing full well that she was exposing the police officers to a number of sexually transmitted diseases and potentially HIV as well, it is considered that she used her vagina with lethal force against the officers” explained Miguel Aguera, spokesman for the Miami Police Department.

Simmons’s attorney, Alan Smith, argued that his client acted in self-defense and used her vagina, not as a deadly weapon, but in the “appropriate boundaries of her working skills and abilities.”

According to current Florida laws and if convicted of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon against five police officers, Simmons could face up to 1,036 years in jail believe legal experts.

In a 2013 court case, another Miami citizen was convicted of armed robbery after threatening a convenient store clerk with his erect and “AIDS-infected penis” and was sentenced to 237 years in jail.